WHY SO HELPLESSLY DEVOTED?🦋 By Grace Adebayo

Why so helplessly selfless? By Grace Adebayo. 

 Why so helplessly selfless? Why so helplessly devoted to someone who isn't to you? Why do you care so much? Always convincing yourself that you're fine just because of what you think society will say. 

 At times when I talk about mental health to my friends/acquaintances (I'd rather not call some people my friends) the few ignorant ones are always making foolish comments like "This one won't work in Nigeria", " I don't have time for stuff like these, I have exams, why would I be focusing on mental health? ".

 I get discouraged. Yes. But does it stop me? No. Coz I know my goal here and I really don't care what anyone feels.

 Sometimes we are scared to show emotion because we don't want to be called names or insulted. I hope you get to that point in your life where you don't care about these stuffs anymore.

 I wanted this blog post to be about how often I wonder why I'm so devoted to people who don't care about me. 

 I do a lot of debates in my head, sometimes I wonder how my brain hasn't exploded. Mentally, I'm not fair to myself at times. Criticizing myself all the time. Making excuses for people each and every time something bad happens.

 I have a very toxic relationship with 70% of the people in my life. To be mentally stable, you have to cut off toxic relationships.

 It leaves me with a big question " Do I have to cut off everyone in my life to be happy? " 

 Will I be happy if I do? Will I feel heart broken?Will I cry? Will I regret it in the future or will I thank God I did? What happens to my friendships? I was scared. Like really scared of everything. It hurt so much that I was fighting battles in my head every day and I still felt worthless.

      

           I cried everywhere. Coming back from lectures, feeling that deep pit of emptiness, I would cry again. Midnight when I was sure everyone had slept, another episode. Trust me they weren't pretty tears. I wanted to feel worthy of myself. I just felt like I was responsible for every bad happening in my life. 

I wanted to feel more 'useful' so to say. I took a lot of time off social media just to feel better. Maybe I would stop feeling like a gutter with no channel of emptiness. It helped actually, I felt much better when I came back. Things had a much better outlook. 

I actually felt happy with my self for withdrawing from everyone just for the sake of my mental health. I wasn't helplessly selfless, I wasn't selfish either. I just exhibited self love and appreciation. I cut off ties with people who I knew weren't good for me and tried to fix up some holes where I was leaking.

 I didn't need anyone's help actually. I just needed to love myself. Sometimes the reason we're helplessly devoted to others is because we don't care so much about ourselves. We make everyone else our priority and forget the real reason we can is because we have a body and that body needs care too.

 You shouldn't be anyone's tool of entertainment. You should actually be your source of happiness. Never rely on someone for that. You're enough, you don't need anyone to complete you. You should be first on your list. Not anyone else. Stop being toxic to yourself. Anyone who wants you to helplessly devote your time to them should be off that list of yours. 

Self love is the first step to achieving a good mental state.

 I'll probably post on Valentine's. No spoilers. I hope to we you guys then. Have a little fun with this for the mean time. 

BTW my dad' birthday is tomorrow.

Giving him a little shout out .

Happy birthday dad 🦋💫

 Love, Grace.