Paralyzed

Hi!

It's been a while, hasn't it? 

I'm currently in my bed doing absolutely nothing and I had this idea to write on my blog and I thought, why not?

Fear or anxiety can be paralyzing. Most of the time I feel like I'm trapped in my own brain. I feel inconsistent, like one minute I'm happy and then I'm sad. Anxiety often gets the best of me and I don't take it too well.

        

       Sometimes the fear of what could be takes me captive and I feel helpless. My chest tightens, there's suddenly a lodge in my throat and a cold pit in the bottom of my stomach. 

     Sometimes my brain gets adaptive to my thoughts and bring them to my dreams. All the scenarios I've imagined in my head start to surface when I'm sleeping and I often wake up with sweat on my forehead,  a physical reminder of the things that went on while I slept. 

     

         Sometimes I just cry, sometimes I bottle it up and pretend not to care, sometimes I go back to sleep and sometimes I just live with it. I let the anxiety take hold of me and do its work; break me over and over.

Uncertainty is like a pulley. It pulls you back to square one , lets you forget it and then pulls you back. I hate that I can't control my head sometimes. I wish I could.

What am I saying? I really don't know. This is just me telling you how anxiety affects me. I don't know how I've gotten this far, tbh.  I don't know how the anxiety hasn't pushed me to the inevitable. 

Sometimes I'm all joyous and all but then , I feel like my mental health is on a 1.5. Is that weird? I think it is.

The question on your mind rn is probably 'How did you cope then?'

To be honest, there was never a definite aid for me. Sometimes I'd call my best friend or maybe talk to my Godmother..... Most times though, I just vented to God.

I don't know, there's this thing in my head that makes me believe God doesn't care about my feelings and that He just existed as the Supreme being and all. But that was before I met Him in person though.

Talking to God about how you feel is underrated. It's helped me a lot when I'm not hiding away from him .

I'm not writing this to tell you there's a cure or for some pity party. I'm writing this because I know I'm not the only one going through this. I know someone out there battles with anxiety just like I do. 

I'm writing this to let you know you're not alone. God is here for you and He always will be. Anxiety is a paralyzing feeling. It comes to distract you from hope and often we feel powerless. Well we're not. 

We can fight it, one step at a time. We can tell it to f*ck off. Just by talking to someone about it or taking your mind off it while you can. Music or movies, whatever helps you forget. Just do it.

Never forget to appreciate yourself for the silent battles you fight in your head. Say sorry to yourself when necessary. It gets better, trust me.

Hope I didn't sound like some motivational speaker or anything 😂...... I think I did.

Anyways, this is gonna be my last blogpost of the year so I say a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in Advance 🎉🥺❤️. I wish you all good tidings.

Thank you for reading 🥺. 

-Love, Grace.